A formula for an enduring relationship must include trust, intimacy, and accountability. Any emotional partnerships needs to first objectively assess the presence of these personality traits before starting to work on improving the relationship.
Distrust of a partner creates a sense of vulnerability and anger. This lack of trust must be the first topic of discussion in any therapy undertaken. Often, the couple has arrived at this point due to one partner’s rupture of the psychological bond. Nonetheless, trust can be regained with hard work. The repair involves remorse by the offending partner and forgiveness by the injured party. However, if the wish for revenge is present; the therapy is doomed from the start. But, if the relationship has a good history and the sense of love and care for each other still exists, reparation can take place. Sometimes an even stronger emotional connection is created.
Intimacy is based on empathy, the capacity to recognize what another person is feeling; to put yourself in the other person’s shoes; to realize the impact of your actions on him/her. Too little empathy and you have trouble connecting emotionally. Too much and your sentimentality may get in the way of rational decision making during times of conflict. Without emotional closeness, a relationship simply withers away.
Accountability is the willingness to take responsibility for what one contributes to the relationship – the good and the bad. This requires each partner being able to engage in self-reflection and objective self-assessment. The therapist must be proficient at helping each party with this endeavor without being judgmental or taking sides.
There are important issues that any relationship must deal with in order to build a mature, long-term relationship. These include power issues, in-laws, different thinking styles, communication difficulties, co-parenting, and others. It often requires a skilled objective third party to improve a relationship. Learn more about my services.